Carmen Aliber always had the mindset that “it won’t happen to me.”

But a few years back, like millions of other women and men have, she found herself in an abusive relationship with a romantic partner. There was control of her finances, her phone, her emails. There were threats and manipulation. She constantly worried about her career, her kids, and herself. Then, one day, she came up with an escape plan—one that included telling her employer what was happening.

“They were nonjudgmental,” she says of Dexter Southfield, a school in Boston with about 300 employees, where she is director of human resources. “They provided me with the support that I needed. If I was not in an organization that was supportive and if I didn’t live in a state that had laws that I knew protected me, I likely would have stayed in my situation out of fear.”

The support from her employer came in the form of new lights in the parking lot, security teams walking her to her car after work, time off to deal with the logistics of leaving her relationship, and her boss being flexible and understanding.

Aliber knows she’s lucky not only to have left her abusive relationship, but also to have had support from her company—something that, for many people, hasn’t historically been the case. Although it’s a pervasive issue, domestic abuse has often been hidden behind closed doors among family, friends, and in the workplace.

Now, Aliber—who co-founded Together Rising Above Coercion, an advocacy coalition working to expand legal protections for abuse survivors—is part of a small but growing group of HR leaders working to change that, arguing that workplace support is exactly what’s needed to help millions of people suffering from domestic abuse.

“Too many survivors stay in the situation because they are afraid. They are afraid of losing their jobs, they are afraid of being judged, they are afraid of being stigmatized professionally. And they stay in this situation out of fear,” Aliber says. “An employee with an employer who is supportive—and in a state that has laws that protect survivors of domestic abuse—has a much greater chance at escaping the abuse and continuing to be a productive employee.”

In short, Aliber says, “employer support can mean the difference between life and death.”

Growing Calls for the Cause

Data from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence shows that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men have experienced some form of physical violence, sexual abuse, or stalking by an intimate partner. “The numbers are mind-boggling,” says David Thomson, the organization’s executive director.

Legislation is putting new demands on employers and helping employees who experience domestic abuse, with some states and cities enacting “safe leave” laws that re- quire employers to provide time off to victims of domestic abuse. Additionally, SECURE Act 2.0, the sweeping federal law passed in late 2022 with a range of retirement provisions, now allows employees who are victims of domestic abuse to withdraw a lump sum—up to $10,000 or 50% of the account balance—from a qualified retirement account without incurring the usual 10% tax penalty.

Now, some HR leaders argue that domestic abuse is a workplace issue, calling on companies to provide resources, comprehensive benefits, training and education, and overall empathy—and they’re asking their peers to join them.

“HR is the heart of the organization,” Aliber says. “We are the place where people seek support, so we as HR leaders need to know what resources are out there. What can we do to support somebody? This is no different than supporting somebody with a disability or somebody who requires a leave of absence of any other type. We are responsible for learning and understanding as much as we can to support those in our workplace.”

There are other logistical reasons for HR involvement: Workplace compliance, risk management, worker safety, and benefits, for the most part, all fall under the HR umbrella.

“Although there is growing momentum around the cause, there is still significant work to be done,” Thomson says. “This hasn’t reached the level it needs to.”

Convincing Companies to Care 

One of the biggest challenges, many industry experts say, is convincing employers that domestic abuse is a workplace issue.

“It’s kind of a misnomer because it has the word ‘domestic’ in the title,” Thomson says. “People think, ‘Oh, that’s a personal issue. That’s a home issue.’ But unfortunately, the issues surrounding domestic violence follow the victim everywhere in their life.”

Statistics make it clear that domestic abuse is indeed a workplace issue. The U.S. Department of Labor, for instance, reported that victims of domestic abuse as a group lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the U.S., resulting in a $1.8 billion loss in productivity for employers. And workers who are dealing with the effects of abuse often bring emotional and physical burdens to work, which has a detrimental impact on their well-being, focus, and workplace performance.

“Even if domestic abuse is happening behind closed doors at home, it is ricocheting back into the workplace,” Aliber says. “The person who is taking the wrath for somebody at home is coming into the workplace timid, distracted, unproductive, feeling unsafe. And, quite frankly, organizations are at risk. If perpetrators come to our organizational sites, if they come to our campuses, if they walk into our office buildings, they are putting the survivor at risk. They’re putting everybody at risk.”

Providing help could be a win for employers, too. MetLife found that employees who feel cared for by their employers are 60% more likely to plan to stay at their current organization for the next year and 55% more likely to feel productive in their job.

“We’re talking about millions to billions of dollars for employers. There’s definitely a bottom-line effect of domestic violence [in the workplace],” says June Sugiyama, director of Vodafone Americas Foundation, who works with groups that are leading initiatives globally to help domestic abuse victims. Vodafone’s Bright Sky app provides support for people experiencing domestic abuse, as well as those concerned about friends and family members, and it is often used by employers.

A New Focus

Domestic abuse falls into the same category as financial stress, chronic health conditions, child care and caregiving stresses, mental health problems, and other issues that affect employees and, in turn, employers. There’s a growing consensus among workplace leaders that they need to step up on issues that historically have fallen outside the work- place bubble and that employees’ lives are not segmented into what happens at work and what happens at home.

Employees work longer hours than they have in the past, and, between remote and flexible workplaces and advances in technology, work is constantly happening at home.

“I think there’s an understanding now that there’s no switch when you go from home to work or work to home,” says Cynthia Hernandez, SHRM-SCP, chief people strategist at VIP Structures, a construction company in Syracuse, N.Y. “We want to help people in a very holistic way, so we do have some support available for those who may be suffering or encountering a [domestic abuse] situation.”

Some changes coming down the pike may be driven by employees themselves—particularly younger workers, who are largely more open and vulnerable about hard-to-discuss topics and who have different expectations from their employers than past generations.

“The newer generations entering the workforce are shifting the requirements and really challenging employers to say, ‘We’re here working for you. This is a relationship,’ ” Hernandez explains. “It’s a work relationship with, of course, boundaries. But in terms of thinking about equity, as well as access to resources, employers do have more obligation to keep people safe in their workplace.”

That has resulted in additional focus, education, and resources around topics such as mental health, as well as financial independence—and domestic abuse. “I really do credit the newer generations entering the workforce for that,” Hernandez says. “They’re pushing for that and really getting us to that next level.”

Data backs that up. The vast majority of employees (92%) want more consistent care at work from their employers, and 79% want more support in their personal lives, according to MetLife.

Increasing Awareness

Industry experts leading the charge of making support for domestic abuse victims a workplace imperative say awareness is one of the first steps—making organizations understand that this is a workplace issue, then making employees aware of what domestic abuse can entail and what resources and support might be available to help. 

It starts with normalizing the conversation, which can make employees feel more comfortable raising concerns or bringing up their situations—and more open to receiving help. It can also aid in bringing more employers and HR leaders on board in an effort to make domestic abuse prevention and awareness a workplace focus.

“I compare [the conversation around domestic abuse] to breast cancer,” Sugiyama says. “We talk about that normally now, but we didn’t used to. Domestic abuse is even more common, so this should be even more of a normalized conversation.”

It’s also important, experts contend, to refer to the problem as domestic abuse rather than domestic violence, because the former encompasses a broader scope of what may be involved: emotional, verbal, financial, and technology abuse, as well as overall coercion and control. This name shift may make more people aware of the seriousness of what victims are going through—and possibly encourage them to get help, including from their employer.

“A lot of people who are going through [domestic abuse] don’t even realize that’s what it is,” says Molly O’Sullivan, an HR generalist in the Phoenix metropolitan area. That’s why promoting education around what domestic abuse can look like and how it affects people, as well as offering resources—including domestic abuse hotlines and support organizations—is essential for HR.

An easy task: Communicate with employees about domestic abuse in emails, company newsletters, and signs in office restrooms with verbiage about where to get help or how their HR team can assist. Employers also benefit from training and resources from outside groups that are equipped to educate and deal with domestic abuse concerns.

Talking about it in wider circles can have other effects, too. Aliber’s advocacy efforts resulted in legislation being signed into law by Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey that expanded the definition of domestic abuse to include coercive control. When that occurred, Aliber included the information in a company newsletter. Doing so led some of her workers to discuss their own experiences with her. Similarly, Aliber presented a session on domestic abuse at SHRM4, which led to a number of HR professionals saying they, too, wanted to address the issue in their workplaces.

It’s key for HR professionals to know current, applicable laws. Several states and cities across the U.S. now require employers to provide “safe leave,” which is paid or unpaid time off for employees who are being abused. In Massachusetts, for example, an August 2024 law requires employers with 50 or more employees to allow an employee to take up to 15 days of leave in any 12-month period to deal with abusive behavior or domestic violence perpetuated against them or a family member.

“Awareness of laws is critical,” Aliber says. “What holds many people in these situations is because they’re not aware of what their job protections are.”

Support Via Benefits

Some organizations are rallying around workplace benefits to make a difference. Those include flexible work arrangements, paid leave in addition to what might already be offered by law, financial assistance or early access to wages, and mental health resources that can help employees who are dealing with domestic abuse. Mental health providers can properly counsel employees about their situation and provide emotional support in a way HR or managers cannot.

Hernandez says VIP Structures, for instance, leans heavily on its employee assistance program, which provides employees and their dependents with access to financial and legal advisors in addition to mental health counselors.

“Our main objective is to ensure that employees feel safe and they trust leadership to help them through any challenges they may be facing,” she says. “And I think we can do that discreetly.”

It’s also vital to allow remote work and flexible work arrangements so employees can work where they feel safe—especially when they leave an abusive relationship, which is often the most dangerous time for a victim, Aliber says.

Oftentimes, however, even when employers offer resources and aid, workers are unaware of them. That makes regular communications, reminders, and seminars about available benefits an important piece of the puzzle.

Above All, Have Empathy

Empathy, understanding, and willingness to help—and be creative about solutions—might just be the most important resources employers can provide. 

O’Sullivan understands this firsthand. When she experienced abuse and decided to leave her relationship, she had to tell her manager that she had to leave the state. “My manager was amazing,” she says. “When I finally started to tell her, she told me, ‘I’ve been through that, too.’ ”

Her company then created a new role for O’Sullivan so she could move away and be closer to her family. Now, O’Sullivan says, she tries to prioritize that same empathy and customized support with employees.

“It’s about thinking creatively,” she explains. “Maybe it’s not a specific structured resource, but it’s ‘How can I help? What does that person need in this moment?’ ”

Although there is still a long way to go to make domestic abuse awareness a big focus in the workplace—on par with mental health or financial stress—industry experts such as Aliber remain hopeful.

“I want HR leaders to pave a path for their organizations and our profession to recognize and understand the impact of domestic abuse in and beyond the workplace,” she says. “We will lose hope if we lose the fight to protect our employees.”