Be a People-Lifter

People are so frustrating. Everywhere you go, they distract you, pull you down or just plain disappoint you. It could be at home, while you’re driving, at work—or even at the grocery store.

A few weeks ago, I went grocery shopping by myself. (Normally, my wife and I go together because we enjoy it and we can knock it out quickly that way.) I don’t know what was in the air that day, but it seemed like every single person was in my way. A few people were slumped over their carts, slowly considering each item on the shelves. Others were staring at their phones, oblivious to everything around them and blocking my way. At the end of each aisle, carts narrowly missed slamming into one another.

As I walked through the store with my list in hand, I felt like I was trying to maneuver through an unpredictable obstacle course. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I observed all these inconsiderate people. Each seemed to be acting as if they were the only person in the store.

I’ll skip over how I glared at the people crowding the various checkout lines. I finally paid, loaded up my car and zoomed home. As I slammed the bags of groceries onto the kitchen island, I vented to my wife about what had happened. She patiently waited for me to finish and then asked, “Do you know what those other people were thinking or going through?”

After considering that for a moment, I realized I didn’t. I was so concerned about how selfish others were being, I didn’t realize how selfish I was being myself. My wife’s simple question helped me to check my self-righteousness and reframe my thinking. We tend to look at and talk about other people in relation to how they affect us personally: Everyone else is frustrating (not me); everyone else is an obstacle to getting my work done (not me).

Rather than enjoying my shopping time—as I usually do—I had become preoccupied with thinking everyone else was a nuisance. Sound familiar? If you step back and listen to the conversations happening at work, at home or in public, it’s not unusual to hear people tearing one another down rather than lifting each other up.

We live in a day and age in which demeaning others is valued over encouraging them. I don’t know when this happened, but it did—and it’s awful. Lots of people seem to have forgotten that we are fortunate to have other people in our lives. We’re fortunate to be surrounded by talented and unique people at work. For us to stem the self-righteousness that can sabotage our relationships, we must pause, breathe and then—lift others up.

I’ll be honest: It can take a lot of effort, energy and intention to raise someone up rather than tear them down. But you can do it. You know that when others lift you up, it brings you joy. I try to be a people-lifter most of the time. It can take some effort, but it’s worth it.

That day, I needed my wife’s simple admonition, and I’m grateful she broke through the ugly approach I had taken that afternoon. Let this article be the catalyst you need to break away from the negative mindset that can be so easy to adopt when you’re feeling frustrated. Be a people-lifter, so we can all rise together. 

Steve Browne, SHRM-SCP, is chief people officer for ­LaRosa’s Inc., a restaurant chain in Ohio and Indiana with 11 locations. The author of HR Unleashed!! (SHRM, 2023), HR Rising!! (SHRM, 2020) and HR on Purpose!! (SHRM, 2017), he has been an HR professional for more than 30 years.