Disagreeing Better: 8 Ways CHROs Can Build a Culture of Respect

I work in the political arena, as my CEO holds the title of “governor.” Although I find the expression inaccurate, some might argue that my position necessitates engaging in political maneuvering or “playing politics.” 

But make no mistake: Every CEO and CHRO—regardless of sector, industry, company size, or location—has political maneuvering to do, particularly when it comes to creating a workforce that can learn to disagree better. 

The High Cost of Unhealthy Disagreement

The current landscape is fraught with “conflict entrepreneurs” who profit from division and discord. They strategize to breed hate and contempt for gain. They have powerful allies and strong resources.

Meanwhile, the “silent majority” has become the “exhausted majority,” and they yearn for a return to respectful discourse and productive conflict. These are the sentiments of your employees.

The data is clear: Political partisanship has even infiltrated our family gatherings, such as Thanksgiving dinner, shortening our time together with those we love—despite the perception of disagreement often surpassing the reality. If unhealthy disagreement exists during your holiday meals, it exists in your workforce—and it is taking its toll. 

Whether it’s Gartner research saying that 36% of employees avoid co-workers because of differing views or a SHRM survey reporting that 44% of U.S. workers experience politically charged disagreements at work, there is an epidemic of incivility in the workplace. 

Unhealthy disagreement manifests as stifled creativity, diminished productivity, and strained relationships. When employees fear expressing dissenting opinions, organizations miss out on valuable insights and innovative solutions. Moreover, unresolved conflict can lead to a toxic environment where resentment festers and collaboration suffers. 

In today’s increasingly polarized and divided world, the ability to navigate disagreement constructively has become a critical leadership competency. Recognizing this, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox launched the “Disagree Better” initiative while serving as chair of the National Governors Association. This initiative seeks to reverse the trend of eroding civil discourse by promoting a culture of respectful dialogue, curiosity, and understanding. 

Myths About Disagreement and Conflict

If toxic polarization is a political and business strategy, then disagreeing better is the counterpunch. CEOs and CHROs must be in the “depolarization business.” 

Let’s start by unpacking some myths that these conflict entrepreneurs want you to believe. 

Myth No. 1: In order to be a good person, you need to disagree less. People will tell you that a lack of conflict is a sign of progress. In reality, a lack of disagreement leads to stagnation and stifles the dynamism that we hired our talent to actively participate in. In healthy conflict, you should never need to compromise your standings as a good and empathetic human. You don’t have to give up your own beliefs to disagree, but you must show empathy during uncomfortable moments. Can you talk about hurt feelings without hurting feelings? Don’t equate disagreement with unkindness. 

Myth No. 2: You can choose to opt out of disagreements. Ignoring the conflict grows the conflict. By not participating, you are letting everyone down, including yourself, your team, and your organization. In fact, 85% of people said they’ve been in situations where they felt unable to raise an issue they felt was important, according to the Constructive Dialogue Institute, an organization that helped the State of Utah implement the Disagree Better initiative.

Myth No. 3: Disagreements minimize in virtual environments. Disagreements don’t disappear in virtual environments. Instead, they hide due to a reduced “surface area” of interaction. Leaders and managers must work diligently to create transparency with all virtual participants and create space for them to be heard. 

Myth No. 4: Disagreeing Better is an inherent trait. The skills that lie at the heart of conflict management certainly come more naturally to some than to others. But they are still skills. They are not traits that we are either born with or not. As with all skills, we need to practice them to master them. Doing so takes intentionality, focus, and practice—and it will come more naturally with time.

8 Ways to Turn Conflict into Productive Dialogue

Here are some approaches and mindsets to help you counter these myths and handle disagreements better:

1. Align to the problem, not the person. Task-oriented disagreements are often easier to resolve than those that devolve into personal attacks. I regularly help with disputes, and I’ve quickly learned that when you open the floor to two entrenched people, they’ll immediately take their battle positions. Instead, I have learned to create an alignment pyramid that asks questions that are interdependent and build upon each other to showcase common values for the participants. This begins with asking: 

• Mission: Do we agree that our mission is important? 
• Goals: Are we still aligned on (goal) being the right goal? 
• Path: Does our chosen path still make sense? 
• Obstacle: Do we see the same obstacle holding us back? 
• Priority: Are we paying the proper attention to it? 
• Options: What are the options we rejected to solve this? 

2. Let go of needing to be liked. As a leader, it’s crucial to prioritize respect over likability. By demonstrating that you’re comfortable with disagreement and that you value respect above all else, you’ll create a safe space for your team to express their opinions and challenge the status quo. This can be particularly challenging for executives, as your title often comes with preconceived notions of authority and formality. 

3. Get close to the problem. Proximity fosters connection and reveals shared humanity. When we take the time to truly know someone, to hear their stories, and to understand their struggles, we often discover common ground and shared values. This realization can break down stereotypes, challenge preconceived notions, and dissolve the barriers that separate us. In a world that often encourages division and polarization, choosing proximity and empathy can be a powerful act of resistance. It’s hard to hate up close. 

4. Seek to understand, not to win. The goal of constructive disagreement is not to defeat the other side but to reach a shared understanding. The purpose of the conversation is not to prove you’re right but to learn and grow together. By approaching disagreements with an open mind and a willingness to understand, you can transform conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection and mutual respect. 

5. Filter topics appropriate for work relevancy. Organizations should clearly define what constitutes acceptable political or ideological expression and conflict within the workplace. It is important to differentiate between conflict stemming from those differences and conflict arising from differences of opinion regarding the best way forward for the organization. By making these distinctions, organizations can foster a healthy environment where diverse viewpoints are respected and unproductive conflict is minimized. 

6. Recognize the influence of the “perception gap.” That’s the difference between what we think another person or group thinks and what they actually think. In the political arena, both sides overestimate the extremism of the other side by about 30%, a phenomenon that causes groups to violate norms under the mistaken belief that the other side is going to do something terrible so they must do it first. The perception gap is emotional. It looks like this: Do you hate the other side regardless of what they think or maybe because of what you think they think, which may be erroneous? Even in a workplace setting, the perception of disagreement can be more damaging than the reality. 

7. Embrace respectful honesty. While brutal honesty can be counterproductive, respectful honesty fosters a culture of trust. If you can’t have respectful conversations with a co-worker that you don’t agree with, how do you work to model that behavior? Conflict is frequent when candor is safe.  

8. Find a good role model. As an HR practitioner, you likely spend a lot of time with legal counsel. I have found that a good legal professional walks this line of “disagreeing better” without over-indexing into abrasive dialect or superfluous language.

The Role of HR in Depolarization

The good news is that disagreement, when managed effectively, can be a catalyst for positive change. Research from McKinsey & Company highlights the power of “contributory dissent,” which fuels innovation and drives organizational success. The key lies in shifting our mindset from viewing disagreement as a threat to embracing it as an opportunity for learning and growth. 

To achieve this shift, leaders must foster a culture of psychological safety in which employees feel comfortable expressing their opinions without fear of reprisal. This requires a commitment to open communication, active listening, and respectful dialogue. 

HR professionals play a pivotal role in fostering a culture of constructive disagreement. By providing training on conflict resolution, facilitating difficult conversations, and modeling respectful behavior, HR can help organizations navigate conflict effectively and build stronger, more resilient teams.  

Your teams need to see how you engage in healthy conflict. They need you to model this and find ways to highlight it in your interactions, including one-on-ones, team meetings, and company communications. 

The Path Forward

If we focus on this movement and choose to walk into conflict rather than step around it, we will have better work outcomes. There will be better opportunities to learn and grow. The data shows stronger and more improved relationships and higher job satisfaction in a more inclusive workplace. 

The challenges of our time demand a new approach to disagreement. By embracing the principles of respectful honesty, curiosity, empathy, and open communication, we can transform conflict into a catalyst for positive change. As leaders, it is our responsibility to build a workplace in which diverse perspectives are valued and disagreement is seen as an opportunity for growth, innovation, and collaboration.

The problem is not that we’ve forgotten how to agree; the problem is that we’ve forgotten how to disagree. We all need to help change the narrative around “playing politics” in conflict. It’s time to disagree better. 

John Barrand is the CHRO for the State of Utah. He has also served as the HR director for Backcountry.com and both Enlivant and Rockit Ranch Productions in Chicago. He also has HR experience at Allstate Insurance and Procter and Gamble.